Slim Slow

Ugh…I have to start working out.  I’m not a fan.  Actually, I love it right after, hate it during, dread it before.  I would love to work out, swim,  play basketball, life weights, etc.   That was so easy when I was 20.  Of course, I didn’t have anything else to do.  Now, I’m lucky if I can procure the strength chase my children around the house.  Usually after doing so, i’m waddeling around the house like a wounded hippopotamus.  It’s actually funny, watching my kids run around in circles for hours on end, and then scream, “Daddy come on, keep going.”  I have to explain to them that years of second hand smoke and self-abuse have left Daddy’s lungs shriveled and useless.  Which usually illicits the response, “Daddy you’re silly.”  Yes, I am silly, if by silly you mean fat and out of shape. 

Truth be told, they are great motivators to get in shape.  Perhaps the best motivators, with the creepy heroine shiek teenage vampires at the mall coming a close second. Not because I have a strong desire to look like I follow most meals with a case of mild bulimia, but because of the look of confusion on their face when I ask if they carry pair of jeans in their store with a waste bigger than 30.  Apparently, they didn’t realize that some of us in the human species will actually reach full adult size, and unfortunately cannot all prance around  like woodland creatures in skinny jeans.  So, yeah…working out…. I gotta do that.

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Tiger, Tiger…Burning Bright.

Today, I read an article by Rick Reilly on ESPN’s website. 

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?id=4347419

Normally, I don’t care what Rick Reilly has to say, because he’s a journalist, and his articles are based on his opinion.  This morning, however, I feel like responding.  I have a feeling most people are going to read the article and they are going to agree with Reilly.  I do not. 

Yes, Tiger Woods throws tantrums.  I won’t debate the cursing and club throwing.  What I will debate is that this is of any consequence to the game, and that somehow this is a kink in Tiger’s armour. 

My first problem:

I’ve been to several PGA events.  I do not agree with Reilly’s assessment of Tiger being the only golfer who acts this way.  I saw many golfer’s throw/slam their clubs and curse.  And I’m sorry, but if you think Jack or Arnold, or any of the the other Golf “Royalty” went their careers without doing the same, you’re terribly misinformed.  Golf is a frustrating sport for amateurs who have nothing at stake.  When you are held in such high regard (Tiger is the favorite in almost every event he enters) then you place a lot of pressure on yourself to maintain that skill level.  And nobody handles that better than Tiger.  He does get angry (with himself) and occassionally his anger is projected on some asshole cameraman or fan who interrupts his swing.  I saw at least 5 other golfers respond the same way during the British Open to thoughtless camermen. 

 

My 2nd problem:

You know, this is the big one for me.  I’ve gone to golf courses, and felt like I didn’t belong, because I bought my shirt at Target.  There is this air of pretentiousness  in the game of golf, and statements like, “this is a gentelman’s game.” are part of the problem.  It’s that bullshit mentality that kept African American’s off the courses for far too long.  But you have to love Karma…and I’d love to see the faces of those crusty old royals now, as a minority dominates the golf world.  You think Golf is a refined, polished, respectful game?  It can be, it should be, but it’s history speaks to hundereds of years of racism and biggotry.  Golf.  The name of the game itself is an acronym devised by rich white men. GOLF – Gentleman Only Ladies Forbidden.  That’s where the name golf comes from.  In truth, it was more accurately: White Gentleman Only Ladies Forbidden, but WGOLF, doesn’t quite have the same ring. 

Conclusion:

Honestly, I think Reilly’s an idiot.  I know he is a respected journalist, but I honestly think this is a case of watching 99 percent of journalists writing articles about the greatness of Tiger, and one trying to seperate himself from that group by calling him out.  I’d love for Tiger to be able to maintain his composure, to refrain from cursing, if it is hurting his game.  I am not sure I can make that correlation.  Tiger has more drive to be the best than any other athelete, perhaps ever.   His passion is only further evidenced by his reactions to even the slightest mistake he makes on the course. I believe other golfers react this way, but perhaps Tiger does show it a bit more…but it matters more to him.  You think that’s not true?  Name a player that works harder.

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A Missing Link

I read a very interesting article in a psychology journal this morning, and I watched a television program this weekend on the same topic.  The topic, was video games and their link to violence.  In particular, the use of what tremendous video game dorks refer to as “first person shooters.”  Basically, you have a weapon, and you’re killing people, animals, aliens, etc.  Now, the question posed, or rather from the positon of the article I read, the statement being forced down the readers throat is that there is a causal link between the use of these games and violence/aggression in teenagers.  Now, I don’t presume to be an expert on this subject, but I know a little something about research, and I believe this study is what a layperson would refer to as horsemanure.  There are millions of teenagers in this country playing these video games, and while we may find that a percentage of these teenagers have aggressive tendencies, or violent histories, we cannot simply connect this behavior to their choice of video games, or movies, or televison, or music.  By that correlation, we could say that fast food leads to aggression, since it is largely consumed by teenagers, or that attending school in general leads to violence, since an overwhelming amount of violence and crime occurs on school grounds.  Yes, there have been mass killings and school shootings, and yes they may have found an xbox, ps3, or computer in the homes of the students who committed the crimes, but they also found guns.  You cannot kill someone with a video game.

(Please don’t reply with some nonsense about using a computer to shoot a weapon from a distant place, i’m aware of this concept, and its almost as ludicrous an idea as it would be a reference to reply with)

The problem isn’t that kids fantasize about things, it’s that when they do, they can access it.  Grant it, this represents only a small percentage.  I don’t think it’s healthy to fantasize about killing humans, and I still believe the percentage of kids playing these games who fantasize about killing real people is low.  These particular kids are likely predisposed to violence, or have a specific pathology yet uncovered.  Like all material that illicits fantasy or imagination in children and teenagers, its up to the parents to determine what is age appopriate, and what is healthy/unhealthy for their kids.  If a child is not old enough to understand the concept of fantasy, and incapable of separating it from reality.  Then they shouldn’t access these games.  However, making a blanket statement about a direct link between these games and violence, is irresponsible.  Stop asking what school shooters were playing, listening too, watching prior to their attacks, ask how a teenager gets a semi-automatic weapon?

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I Feel Decipticonned

I’m trying desperately to locate this summer’s blockbuster.  I was told by the television, whom I seek advice from daily, that Transformers would be the summer smash.  While I, being an alpha male type, appreciate scantily clad women being saved by the hero (even though in this movies’ case, the term hero is used liberally).  I enjoy explosions, special effects, and mass carnage on the big screen, but the days of robots spouting profanity ended with short circuit, as far as i’m concerned.   I don’t understand why hollywood does this.  Well, actually I do.  I’m not really even offended by profanity in film in general.  If the film is lended credence by the use of expletives, then that’s one thing.  I mean Bruce Willis doesn’t fight off terrorists, and escape death time after time, all while calling the bad guys ‘jerkheads’.  No, there is a time a place.  But, the idea of a giant transforming robot, cursing and using mtv colloquialisms is not only ludicrous, its’ disturbing.  So, if this is all hollywood has to offer this summer, then I suppose it’s for the best.  I can get a lot more reading done. 

On the summer reading list:

A Treatise of Human Nature – Hume

The Temper of the Man – Bacon

Critique of Pure Reason – Kant

The list grows…

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Goodbye Comfort: A Requiem

It’s been a long time since my last post. I’ve been exceedingly busy, which is to say i’ve been distracted, which is to say i’ve been lazy. There are plenty of happenings in my neck of the woods, which is an ironic statement considering the desolation of the Texas plains, and the staggering lack of foliage, but I digress. Rather than add my own dirge to the evergrowing internet requiems regarding Michael Jackson, Farah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon, I thought i’d simply say, it’s sad….

This has been an interesting summer to say the least. My parents will be moving, after 22 years in Comfort, Texas. It’s sad, basically, my childhood home is no more. I suppose I’ll always be able to go back, but its not the same. No more swims in Flat Rock Creek, no more smacking golf balls at the cattle in our front pasture, no more sights and sounds that made Comfort my home. Apparently, my folks are moving to Cuero, TX. Which should be great…and if someone has invented a sarcastic font, this would be the place for it. I suppose it shouldn’t matter much to me. I’m married with children and live in the panhandle, but when I go to visit my family, I always feel like i’m going home. And now, it’s going to feel different. I realize my mother is likely in a panic about the move, feeling that a journey 2 hours further south from her son will only serve to isolate her more from her grandchildren. I hope she doesn’t fret to much over this. I’ll likely continue to head south, regardless of their interesting locations. Apprently Cuero has a turkey festival…which will be appealing only if it involves eating the turkey’s at some point.

I will, however, be heading to Comfort for the 4th of July. Possibly my last 4th in Comfort, which means early morning imbibing and parades, copious amounts of food, and perhaps a lazy day on the river….all the trappings of a summer spectacular. I hope to see some family, and some friends, and I hope to be reminded of why I love that town so much, and why it will always be my home.

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Major League Basebore

I’m really not a tremendous fan of baseball.  I know, I know.  How un-American of me.  The problem with baseball to me, is that in terms of the overall excitement of a game, it rates somewhere between bowling and golf.  Now, i’m talking purely as a spectator.  Getting out and playing the sport is a completely different animal.    I realize baseball has it’s exciting moments, and I’ve really enjoyed some playoff games in recent years.  It’s not a question of whether the game is exciting, it’s more a question of how long you have to wait for something to happen.  I went to a Rangers game a several years ago.  Worst experience of my entire life.  The Rangers won, 1-0 on a walk off-walk.  Both starting pitchers went the distance pitching 3 hitters.  That alone, on paper, is a great game.  But sitting in the outfield, with baited breath, anticipating homeruns, all while roasting in the August sun, was downright ridiculuous.  I suppose i’m biased.  I’ve attended every professional  sport live at least once.  They rank in this order, based on my experience.  NBA, NFL, NHL, PGA, MLB. 

Now, I can already hear someone out there saying, “He ranked baseball behind golf.”  Yes, yes I did.  For two reasons.  1) I know more about golf than I do about baseball, sadly.  2) I followed Tiger Woods for 18 holes in Colorado, I was six feet away from him for a majority of the day.  The closest you’ll get to a baseball player is determined by the price of your ticket.  Golf = general admission.  So, for a fan it doesn’t get much better. 

I haven’t even discussed my feeling about the scandals that have rocked baseball.  It’s sad really.   Even if I wanted to be a fan, these players make it so hard.  I almost don’t blame them.  Of the major sports, baseball has the weakest penalties (although they are getting better), the worst testing system, and have been the least proactive in recent years.  I think they are doing a good job of working towards a solution.  But, the other major sports have done much, much better.  Everytime I think I am a fan, someone gets caught cheating (thanks Manny).  Im trying to focus on the good things that are happening.  Zach Greinke is pitching lights out, the Yankees are playing like crap, and the home run numbers are good (but not scary, someone’s cheating good).  I want to believe this ship will right itself, baseball will fix it’s inherent problems, and the game will be good again.  Time will tell.

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How about a Little Swine with that Cheese

The swine flu!!!!!!!  Yes, “the” swine flu.  It’s here. It’s everywhere.  I’m hearing words such as plague, and pandemic.  I don’t want to hear those words.  Sometimes I really think the media in general are terrorizing us.  For instance, we always get the dramatic headline, “150 DEAD IN MEXICO.”  And of course, panic sets in, people begin stockpiling soup and water, the company that makes those ridiculous masks watches their stock double overnight, and people begin avoiding animals in general.  I suppose it makes sense.  The media has to shock and awe their audience, otherwise why would we read.  The article we don’t see, “3000 PEOPLE IN MEXICO ARE OK,”  just doesn’t have the mass appeal a media outlet is looking for.  Thousands of people in Mexico had contracted swine flu, but only a very small percentage have died.  The threat of a major outbreak is of course a scary prospect, but all this talk of threat levels and quarantines, reminds me why its a pain in the ass to go to the airport.  I think the media should be proactive, discuss the entire issue, bring in some experts, and provide some advice for the globe.  You really have to watch every media outlet, read every paper, listen to every radio show and after doing that, you may have a better picture of what’s going on.  Most of us don’t have time to do that, so we flip on one station, listen to the anchor with the bad hairpiece interview a guy who used to clean the test tubes at a lab in Iowa give his explanation of the 2009 plague of doom.  It’s overwhelming, and perhaps a bit irresponsible to report only half of the story, or just the bits and pieces that provide the most punch.  Perhaps that statement will open a can of worms, and I hope not, because I don’t want to read a bunch of responses that have nothing to do with the swine flu.  This is a swine flu only post.  Perhaps, this outbreak may turn out to be a big deal, a global pandemic as they are saying.  Frankly, I doubt it.  The strain appears to be weaker the more global it gets.  Sometimes influenza strains get stronger, sometimes they don’t, but they mutate, and evidence suggests it’s spreading, but not strengthening. 

Which reminds me, IT’S NOT A BIOTERRORIST ATTACK!  Just in case you were thinking that.  If it was a bioterrorist attack, the people responsible are complete morons.  There are literally millions of pathogens that would make more sense as a bioterrorists choice.  Choosing a strain of volitale influenza, would be like training a chicken as an attack dog.  It might work, but it may just as likely do nothing but crap all over your yard.  Influenza spreads rapidly, for sure, but mutates quickly as well, so it may never do what it is intended to do…which is why its unlikely to be a biological weapon.  Likely, this strain was strong in Mexico, which appears now to be ground zero, and as it has mutated, it has weakened.  Which is why the death toll is higher in Mexico than anywhere around the world. 

I believe universal precautions are in order.  I think if you are sick you should stay home.  I do not believe you need to run through the streets screaming, or holding signs that say the end is near.  If in fact, it turns out i’m wrong, it wouldn’t be the first time….I believe it would be the second. 

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I’m so Green

Well, i’ve been sitting in my office, contemplating earth day.  I’ve been reading a lot of information about wind power, renewable energy, cleaner coal, etc.  While most of this reading was interesting, it was not near as interesting as the comment sections of the articles I read.  I’m always fascinated by the battles we choose to wage.  People were furious with these, “earth day nazi’s” and their “communist environmental agendas.”  It was both a combination of sad and hilarious.  I don’t think everyone has to be a tree-hugging environmentalist, to use the parlance of our times, but the idea of sitting on the sidelines and mocking these people, or getting downright angry with them is a strange phenomenon.  I’ve heard every argument both for and against many of the concepts held within the environmentalist’s dogma, and much of it boils down to some very simple things.  There are statistical outliers (the people chaining themselves to machinery, etc), but for the most part, they just want us to care a little, and try a few simple things.  If six billion plus people try a few simple things, you don’t have to be a mathmatician to measure the gains.  And honestly, if you think the earth has an infinite supply of natural resources, you shouldn’t be reading this blog, you should be home…coloring. 

In other news, there are prospects on the job front again.  Although, I’m not holding my breath.  The timing isn’t exactly perfect for a recent job opening, and I feel my odds of getting it are slim.  Sadly, I don’t think i’ll be pinched for lack of experience, or for qualifications.  I think this will boil down to the gut instinct of panel of individuals who won’t be able to see past my youth, which unfortunately in my field (and many others) is often associated with inexperience or immaturity.  Sounds strange, considering i’m almost 29.  I’m not really “young,” but compared to the other candidates for the job, and the people responsible for making the decision,  I might as well wear a diaper to the interview.  This is not intended to sound disrespectful to them.  They are doing their job, and if indeed, they feel I am not qualified or experienced enough for the position, i’ll respect that decision.  And I use this blog as a tool to occassionally vent.  The people I assume will make the decision, they are professionals, and many of them I admire greatly.  So, it’s more likely, i’m creating a reason now, to justify a potential future disappointment.  And I’ll safely project the fault onto them and their assumed bias, to comfort myself.  Sad…so sad.

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Weather You Like it or Not

If April showers, bring May flowers.   Then what the hell do April snowstorms bring?  I’m a little frustrated with the weather patterns as of late.  I wake up and have to scrape ice off the car, heat it up, get on my coat and wear a sweater to work.  By noon, it’s 80 degrees, and I’m sweating like Rush Limbaugh at the pharmacy.  It’s the absolute worst time of the year for your closet.  You can’t quite box up your winter wear, for fear of an impromptu snowstorm.  So, you have a closet full of everything.  I suppose it will end soon enough, and spring and summer will be upon us.   Of course, the coming season arrives with it’s own set of problems.  Certainly the copius number of people, who will spend hundreds of dollars over the coming months to make themselves look like a freshly baked cinnamon roll.  Tanning season will arrive shortly, and no doubt, every dermatologist’s/physician’s Pavlovian response is kicking into high gear. The sun comes up, they salivate, and prepare to surgically remove another melanoma.  I wish I honestly believed that people tan because they want to look good.  I wish I could.  Unfortunately, call me a cynic, but I don’t.  I think they do it because they think other people think they look good.  It’s the same reason people spend so much money on clothes, haircuts, etc.  I’m guilty of some of those things myself.  The sad thing is, i’d love my wife if she were baked like a potato or pale as these teenage vampires everyone’s talking about.   I suppose there are those that do feel better about themselves when they have the unhealthy glow that can only be maintained through laying under heat lamps like a big mac. Nevermind that the UVA light emitted during a tanning session can be as much as three times more than the UVA light emitted by the Earth’s yellow sun.   And nevermind the strong links between UVA light and malignant melanoma.  Yes nevermind those things…because we have histortically ignored far worse in the name of looking good.  (Isn’t that right leaky breast implant lady, and popped collar guy?)  Besides, I certanly don’t want to remove any avenues that might lead to my wife’s happiness…it’s just a difficult concept for me to wrap my head around.  It’s like paying for bottled water.  I get it, maybe its cleaner than my tap water, but i’m already paying for my tap water…it’s right there, and yet, I gotta spend x amount of dollars on water some other schmoe put in a bottle.  I’m paying for a bottle.  Tanners, they pay for fake sun.  There is already sun…and it’s free.  I guess it’s not the same.  Nevertheless, i’ll keep shelling out the coin for bottles  and fake sun, because I love my wife.  And she doesn’t give me greif when I buy electronic equipment that I think I need.

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Charlotte’s Web of Construction

Just got back from Charlotte, NC.  It was interesting, to say the least.  The conference, my reason for being there, was not all that interesting.  I find most conferences to be only as interesting as you make them, but this one had a funk to it.  Maybe it was all the traffic, or the lack of programs that I was interested in.  Or the location of my hotel, right next to what sounded like a jackhammer convention across the street.   Nevertheless, the night life was fun.  My wife rode a mechanical bull, which was perhaps the funniest/sexiest thing i’ve ever seen.  I saw a few men brave the robot bull, but that’s not really for me.  Although the men who did ride, provided me  with countless opportunities to make fun of them.  If they had a mechanical three toed sloth…i’d be on board. 

I was able to visit Spartanburg, SC.  My friend, Patrick, is doing a residency there, working on his writing.  I was able to catch his exit show and hear some of his readings.  I really really enjoyed this, and it was something I’ll always remember.  It’s a great event in  a person’s life to be around someone they admire and respect.  There is an overwhelming feeling of pride to watch someone you love do what they are meant to do, and in turn see the faces of others as they too recognize that spark.  It was an experience like no other.  Patrick, I’m as proud of you as i’ve ever been of anyone. 

I was able to catch a few of the basketball games this week.  The interesting thing is that i’ve been hearing people complain that there just aren’t very many upsets this year.  While I think teams like Wake Forest and Utah would disagree, I understand there may not be as many as we are accustomed to.  My opinion is that this is precisely why the NCAA basketball tournament is the greastest thing in sports.  When we have major upsets, it give us something to cheer for, a cinderalla to follow.  When the teams win that are supposed to win, we end up with great championship games!  For instance, last year, all four number one seeds made the final four…and the championship game was spectacular.  And remember George Mason? They were very low seed and they made the final four.  So, I suspect there will still be some upsets to come, but I also suspect that regardless, the games will be exciting. 

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